Everything
Every last fiber of my being
Is you
Every thought
Is about you
How could I go on without you?
How could I go on?
I wouldn't
It wouldn't be a conscious choice
I would just stop
Sometimes I want to anyways
But then
I remember
You
And now you are gone
I am simply a shell
I have stopped
I am forever gone
But I am still here
You force me to endure the pain
The pain of living without you
And despite all my pain
That
Is the cruelest thing I've ever known you to do
Because
It wasn't your fault
when you hand struck my face
It wasn't your fault
when you left me crying in the rain
I should have been better
Better for you
But now I can't
I can't do anything
So this was a dream I had like, a year ago. I was looking at old writing and I came across it.
I am in sheer bliss. I am laying on a blanket with Stephen—my best friend—in the middle of a gigantic meadow. The grass is perfectly green and about 500 feet out in every direction is golden wheat. Beyond that are beautiful, majestic mountains framed by an impossibly blue sky, with one or two wispy, white clouds. Our blanket is surrounded by a splendor of flowers. We are lying there looking at the clouds, when Stephen turns to me. “Emma,” he asks, “How do you know when you’re in love?” Just thinking about it makes me feel warm, as I am a hopeless romantic. “Well, sometimes its love at first sight and you just KNOW that you’re meant to be with that person, and sometimes its subtler. You could know someone for quite a while, until one day, you look at them, and you really SEE them. You realize that this is the person who you feel so comfortable and safe and happy around, and you can feel yourself light up when you’re around them. They can always make you smile, but they also take you seriously. And and, and… you just love them so much, you cant go withou-“ And he kissed me. His lips soft, yet firm on mine, it was euphoric. But as we kissed, the grass around us blackened, the flowers died and the wheat was sliced in half in one giant circle. The sky darkened, but it was okay, because i felt so safe in Stephen's arms. Then he was gone. and I was so cold, and so scared. Everything around me was amplified into chaos. I closed my eyes tight, wishing it all away. When I opened my eyes, the meadow was gone. I was deep in a forest so dark I could barely see anything. Stephen was nowhere to be seen. I could feel it then, the deep, violent need to get away from whatever was coming, so I took off running. My heart thumping against my chest, I ran as fast and as hard as I could, tripping and ripping clothes on fallen debris often. It didnt matter, all that mattered was getting away from IT. And then I heard it. At first I didnt know if he was laughing or crying, all I cared about was that I heard his voice. Stephen’s voice. “Stephen!” I screamed my voice hearse. I ran faster and harder than ever, ignoring the pain. It just seemed like I was running in circles, like I was never going to get out. Then the voices grew louder. At first it was just Stephen's but then more and more people- everyone was laughing at me. And not kindly either. Their devil laughter grew louder and louder, enveloping me. I couldnt hear anything but it, I could barely see anymore. I continued still to run, until I collapsed onto the ground. Growing insane from the laughter and paranoia, I sat rocking myself. “Stephen!” I shrieked desperately, “Stephen… Stephen… Stephen..” Eventually all of the voices die out but one. The quiet is unnerving and silently, I cried violently. “Emma? Emma?” croons a mocking voice. Stephen's mocking voice, leaking contempt continues, “What’s the matter Emma? Are you scared?” And I screamed until my body could not take it any longer. Black surrounded me as I continued to hear, “What’s the matter Emma? Are you scared?”
(I changed the names.)